A new study shows it's hard to get the distance in the digital age.
Imagine flipping through your Facebook News Feed first thing in the morning and spotting a notification that your ex is now "in a relationship."
Or maybe the Memories feature shows a photo from that beach vacation you took together last year. Or your ex-lover's new lover's mom shows up under People You May Know.
Scenarios like these are real and not uncommon, according to a new University of Colorado Boulder study exploring how breaking up is even harder to do in the digital age.
Before social media, break-ups still sucked, but it was much easier to get distance from the person," said Anthony Pinter, a doctoral student in the information science department and lead author of the study published in the journal Proceedings of the ACM (Association for Computing Machinery).
It can make it almost impossible to move on if you are constantly being bombarded with reminders in different places online.
Memories, which revives posts from years past, were equally heart-rending, with one participant recalling how a sweet years-old message from his ex-wife popped up out of nowhere delivering an "emotional wallop."
Many shared stories of encountering exes via their comments in shared spaces, such as groups or mutual friends' pictures.
"In real life, you get to decide who gets the cat and who gets the couch, but online it's a lot harder to determine who gets this picture or who gets this group,".
Take A Break works -- for some
In 2015, Facebook launched the Take A Break feature, which detects when a user switches from "in a relationship" to "single" and asks if they want the platform to hide that person's activities. But people like Pinter, who don't use the Relationship Status tool, never get such an offer.
"Facebook doesn't know we broke up because Facebook never knew we were in a relationship," he said.
Even when someone unfriends their ex, if a mutual friend posts a picture without tagging them in it, that picture may still flow through their feed.
And even when they blocked their exes entirely some reported that the ex's friends and family would still show up on Facebook as suggestions under People You May Know.
The research stems from a larger National Science Foundation grant award called Humanizing Algorithms, aimed at identifying and offering solutions for "algorithmic insensitivity."
It suggests that such encounters could be minimized if platform designers paid more attention to the "social periphery" -- all those people, groups, photos, and events that spring up around a connection between two users.
For those wanting to rid their online lives of reminders of love lost, they recommend unfriending, untagging, using Take a Break, and blocking while understanding they may not be foolproof.
Your best bet: "Take a break from social media for a while until you are in a better place."
CTTO: sciencedaily.com
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